When you’ve experienced trauma, it can impact your relationships. However, when it’s pointed out to you, you might think, “That’s not my trauma, that’s just my experience with relationships.” But let’s take a minute to reflect on this. Maybe you’ve been told you don’t trust people easily or that you push people away. You might have noticed patterns in your relationships where you struggle to open up or fear abandonment. Or, you have an internal bet with yourself on how long it will be until your loved one hurts you, disappoints you, or lets you down. Honestly, it might even be all three.
Why does this happen? Is it because there’s something wrong with you, or you’re undeserving of love? No way. The reality is, trauma alters how our brains and bodies react to relationships. It’s not about blaming yourself or finding fault. It’s about getting to the root of the problem and learning how to heal. So, why do people with trauma struggle with relationships and how can trauma therapy in Fort Worth, TX help?
People Haven’t Shown Up For You
Let’s unpack this. When you’ve experienced trauma, it often involves someone who was supposed to make you feel safe and loved. But instead, they broke that trust and caused immense pain. This can deeply impact your ability to trust and form healthy relationships in the future. You might have a subconscious belief that people will hurt you or let you down, leading you to push them away or keep them at arm’s length. So, what happens when you see your partner’s phone light up, and you immediately assume they’re cheating? Or when your friend cancels plans, and you feel like they don’t want to spend time with you anymore? These are just a few examples of how trauma can affect your relationships.
However, it’s not always just passive behaviors like pushing people away. Sometimes, you might actively try to sabotage the relationship because deep down, you fear getting hurt again. This could look like starting arguments over small things or constantly questioning your partner’s intentions. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, where your actions drive away the very people you want to be close to. Then if they leave, it confirms your belief that your partner couldn’t really love you as you are. But the truth is, this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the trauma you’ve experienced.
Your Communication Style Might Be Affected
Your view on relationships isn’t the only thing your trauma has affected. It can also impact your communication style. When you’ve experienced trauma, it’s common to have difficulty expressing yourself and setting boundaries. You might fear being vulnerable or speaking up for yourself because in the past, it led to pain and hurt. This can lead to misunderstandings and conflict in relationships. Your partner may not understand why you shut down or become defensive when they try to talk about an issue. It’s important to recognize that this isn’t a personal flaw, but a natural response to trauma.
People with trauma tend to have more of a negative attachment style that is a subtype of anxious, avoidant, or anxious avoidant. This means that you may constantly crave closeness and reassurance from your partner, but at the same time, fear getting too close. You might have a constant battle in your mind between wanting to be loved and pushing people away. All because of the fear that they will hurt you. You’re probably tired, but that’s the thing about trauma—it can be exhausting.
Your Emotional Regulation May Be Altered
Trauma can also impact your emotional regulation, making it difficult to manage your emotions and reactions in relationships. You might find yourself getting triggered by small things or having intense emotional outbursts that don’t seem proportionate to the situation. This can be confusing for both you and your partner, leading to further strain on the relationship. For instance, your partner went our drinking with friends. Where does your trauma stem from? An alcoholic parent who would leave you alone as a child while they went out drinking? It’s not just about the action itself, but the underlying emotions and memories it brings up.
Trauma can also cause you to disassociate. It’s a subconscious coping mechanism where you disconnect with your feelings, often described as spacing out, to escape overwhelming emotions. Maybe your partner often calls you out for staring at them blankly during conflict. Or, you might not even realize you’re doing it until they point it out. This can leave your partner feeling unheard and lead to more conflict in the relationship. And your left wondering what you did wrong when, in reality, it’s your trauma response.
But, How Can You Feel Safe in a Constant Fight, Flight, or Freeze State?
This is a rhetorical question because you literally can’t. When you’ve experienced trauma, it can leave your nervous system in a constant state of fight, flight or freeze. Your body is on high alert and ready to protect itself at all times. This means that even in seemingly safe situations, your body may react as if there is danger present. Maybe your partner is wearing perfume or cologne similar to your abuser, and you suddenly feel anxious and on edge. Or, you might have a panic attack when your partner hugs you too tightly. While these responses can seem irrational, they are a result of your body’s trauma response. It’s trying to keep you safe when there’s no actual danger present.
As you’ve probably noticed, your brain might struggle with distinguishing between past and present experiences. Therefore, making you constantly on guard for potential threats. This hypervigilance can cause tension and mistrust in relationships as you’re always looking out for signs of danger. And when it comes to intimate relationships, this heightened state of arousal can make it difficult to relax. It can have you in a constant state of anxiety and your partner walking on eggshells, unsure of what might trigger you.
Vulnerability Isn’t Easy For You
We’ve touched on this briefly, but it’s worth diving deeper into the topic of vulnerability. When you’ve experienced trauma, you may view vulnerability as a weakness. After all, in the past, being vulnerable has led to immense pain and betrayal. Why would you want to put yourself in that position again? However, healthy relationships require vulnerability and open communication. It means sharing your thoughts, feelings, and needs with your partner. But if you struggle with vulnerability due to your trauma response, it can create distance and strain in the relationship.
Furthermore, being vulnerable also means acknowledging your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them fully. This can be difficult when trauma has taught you to shut down or disconnect from your emotions. It can also be an intimacy killer, as it can lead to a disconnect during sex or avoid being too physically close due to fears of being hurt. It can make it challenging to connect with your partner on a deeper level and fully engage in the relationship. But, with therapy and self-reflection, you can learn how to become more comfortable with vulnerability and open yourself up to true intimacy in relationships.
There is Hope and Healing
While trauma can undoubtedly impact your relationships, it doesn’t have to define them. Trauma therapy in Fort Worth, TX can help you realize what a safe relationship looks like and how to recognize your trauma responses in it. It can also teach you coping mechanisms and communication skills to strengthen your relationships. Instead of being ready to go with the idea of your partner cheating, you can learn how to communicate your insecurities and work through them together. Or, instead of going with the narrative that you’re not lovable, you talk to a trauma therapist in Fort Worth, TX, and realize that you are deserving of love. That your brain and body just find love scary. Which after your trauma, is a valid response.
Where Do You Go From Here?
Maybe this blog has resonated with you and now you’re wondering, “Okay, what now?” The truth is, healing from trauma takes time and effort. It’s a journey, but it’s a journey worth taking. Trauma therapy in Fort Worth, TX can help you address the self-sabotage, the conflict seeking, and the vulnerability avoidance. It can help you recognize your triggers, understand your trauma responses, and learn healthier ways to cope with them. And most importantly, it can help your brain realize not every situation reflect ones that you’ve experienced in the past.
In therapy, you can learn how to create emotional safety in your relationships. Where you can actually connect with a partner more than beyond the early stages of love. Where you can share your past and express your needs without feeling shame or fear of judgement. And where you can learn to trust yourself and others again. Trauma doesn’t have to be a life sentence, and neither do unhealthy relationships. With EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), other modalities and a fort worth trauma therapist, you can experience healing. Additionally, you can create healthy, fulfilling relationships. Ultimately, your brain and body is doing what it has been trained to do, protect itself. But with therapy, you can retrain your brain and find healing for yourself and your relationships.
Stop the Struggle with Trauma Therapy in Fort Worth, TX
Why do people struggle? Because they haven’t had the opportunity to heal. The good news is, you don’t have to struggle alone. Trauma therapy in Fort Worth, TX can help you break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and unhealthy relationships. It can provide a safe space for you to process your trauma, learn new coping skills, and create healthier patterns in your relationships. At Anew Counseling DFW, we specialize in trauma therapy and helping individuals heal from the inside out. Regardless of whether your challenges arise from trauma, infidelity, or communication issues, our therapists are dedicated to helping you create a life and relationships that you love. If you’re ready to take the first step toward a healthier, happier you:
- Fill out our intake form and schedule your free 15-minute consultation.
- Learn more about our Fort Worth trauma therapists
- Let’s stop the struggle and start healing together.
Explore Our Comprehensive Therapy Services in Fort Worth, TX
Sometimes, trauma can affect more than your relationships or communication style. If you feel as if your trauma is causing you to struggle in other areas of your life, we can help. At Anew Counseling DFW, we provide a variety of individual counseling services designed to help you heal and thrive in all areas of your life. In addition to trauma therapy, we offer a range of specialized therapy services at our Fort Worth, TX practice, including, couples therapy, sex addiction recovery, pornography addiction counseling, anxiety therapy, and depression therapy. Our dedicated team of experienced therapists is here to support you on your journey towards healing and growth. Contact us today to learn more about how we can help you overcome trauma and create fulfilling relationships in your life.
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